Things we don't like
- Real flowers - they wilt and need
care - plastic's much better.
- BMW's, Mercedes, etc. - I'll take
an Econoline any day.
- Gourmet food - so little food,
such bad tastes, such high prices!
- 100% wool or cotton - they require
too much and too costly care - give me polyester or
- Symphony orchestra concerts -
especially playing 20th century music.
- Real wood furniture - vinyl
laminate is easier to care for and harder to damage.
- Birkenstock Sandals - footwear of
the truly effete snobs.
- "Serious" drama - hey,
for $25, and especially $75!!, it had better make me laugh --- a
- Pictures that aren't pictures of
- "Cocktail" parties that
serve only Perrier and vegetables.
- PBS - if I wanted educational
junk, I'd go to school.
- backpacking - you mean people
really LIKE to be uncomfortable? That's sick.
- Restaurants that serve crepes, but
don't bring you any syrup.
- And even if they do bring syrup,
it's some horrid tasting stuff made from a tree; I much
prefer Aunt Jemima's.
- French paintings that look as if
the artist needed glasses.
- Silly magazines with no sports
- ...and no fold-out? You don't
really read that stuff, do you?
- Hi-fi systems with too many
controls, like "equalizers" &
- The Motion Picture Academy, for
not giving "Rambo III" the Best Picture Award;
- sprouts of any kind.
- Restaurants with ferns - who needs
an annoying plant in the face; especially one that sheds.
- salad bars.
- mixed drinks. Why bother?
- Herbal tea - there's a good reason
this stuff never catches on.
- Any bar with stained glass (except
maybe for beer stains).
- Carob powder.
- Foreign language menus - what
- Gourmet food with wine in it! - a
fine wine should be shaken first and drunk from a bag, if
- Meaningful (i.e. pretentious)
Fellini and Bergman movies with no redeeming merit such
as nudity or action or good music.
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